The Feedback Paradox: Why Seeking Criticism Might Be Your Secret Career Superpower

Most professionals don’t lack ambition or effort. What they lack is accurate information.

In modern workplaces, it’s surprisingly easy to operate inside a feedback vacuum. If you work remotely, specialise deeply, or sit in a “nice” culture that avoids discomfort, the signals that tell you how you’re really doing are faint or missing altogether. People are polite. Praise is vague. Silence is common.

So you guess.

And guessing is a terrible way to build a career.

The paradox is this: actively asking for criticism—done well—can increase your credibility, effectiveness, and authority.

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Why feedback disappears as you get more senior

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There’s a persistent myth that the more experienced or senior you become, the less feedback you need. In reality, feedback becomes scarcer and more filtered the higher you go.

Researchers Susan Ashford and colleagues warned about this over 20 years ago, noting that when leaders isolate themselves from honest feedback, the consequences can be severe. As they put it:

^{“Recent events teach us painful lessons about what can happen when decision-makers isolate themselves from feedback.”
— Ashford, Blatt & VandeWalle (2003)}

This phenomenon is often called “CEO disease.” People below you don’t stop having opinions — they just stop sharing them. Not out of malice, but self-preservation.

The result is leadership isolation, not because leaders don’t care, but because the system quietly discourages truth.

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The heroic leadership trap

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Many high performers fall into what you might call hero mode: decisive, confident, always moving forward. Early in a career, this is rewarded.

But hero mode clashes with feedback.

Seeking feedback requires slowing down, asking questions, and admitting you might be missing something. That doesn’t fit neatly with the image of the infallible leader. So people keep charging ahead — right past early warning signs.

Heroic leadership feels good. Accurate leadership performs better.

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The image paradox: criticism builds authority

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Here’s the counter-intuitive part.

Research shows that managers who actively seek negative feedback are rated as more effective by both bosses and subordinates. Those who seek positive feedback, by contrast, are often rated less effective.

In other words:

• Asking “What should I improve?” builds trust
  
  
• Asking “How did I do?” can quietly erode it
  
  

Why? Because criticism-seeking signals attentiveness, maturity, and commitment to high standards. Praise-seeking can look like insecurity or vanity.

There is one caveat: this works best when your baseline competence is already visible. For established performers, asking for the hard truth is a power move, not a weakness.

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Feedback orientation: a skill you can build

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Psychologists call your overall attitude toward feedback feedback orientation. It’s not a fixed personality trait. It’s something that can change over time.

Jason Dahling and colleagues describe it as a “quasi-trait” — relatively stable in the short term, but shaped by experience and environment.

Strong feedback orientation rests on four simple beliefs:

• Feedback is useful
  
  
• I’m responsible for acting on it
  
  
• I can read social cues without overreacting
  
  
• I can handle discomfort without falling apart
  
  

When one of these is missing, people avoid feedback — often without realising they’re doing it.

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When self-esteem gets in the way

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Ironically, the people who avoid feedback most are often the ones who care deeply about doing well.

We all have contingent domains — areas where our self-worth is on the line. If your identity is “the smart one” or “the natural leader,” criticism doesn’t feel informative. It feels personal.

That’s the difference between:

• Learning orientation: “This helps me improve.”
  
  
• Performance orientation: “This threatens my value.”
  
  

The shift that unlocks growth is simple, but not easy: stop using feedback to validate who you are, and start using it to improve what you do.

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You’re already getting feedback — just badly

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Even if you never ask for feedback, you’re constantly collecting it.

You notice who replies quickly, who doesn’t, who invites you into decisions, who goes quiet. You compare yourself to peers. You read the room.

The problem is that this kind of monitoring is often automatic and unreliable. Research shows we make social comparisons spontaneously — sometimes using irrelevant or misleading standards — and then treat the conclusions as fact.

That’s why the best performers combine:

• Monitoring (noticing patterns)
  
  
• Inquiry (asking directly)
  
  

Monitoring tells you something is happening. Inquiry tells you what.

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How to ask for criticism without making it awkward

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You don’t need grand 360-degree reviews. Small, well-phrased questions work best.

Try:

• “What’s one thing I could do to work better with you?”
  
  
• “Where am I creating friction without realising it?”
  
  
• “What should I do differently next time?”
  
  

Then do the most important part: don’t argue, explain, or defend. Thank the person. Ask for an example. Reflect later.

And if you act on the feedback, say so. Closing the loop builds trust and makes future honesty easier.

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From survival to excellence

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Feedback is often framed as a way to fix problems. But for ambitious professionals, it’s more than that. It’s how you move from coping to excelling.

In uncertain, complex workplaces, the real advantage isn’t confidence. It’s accuracy.

So ask yourself:
Are your views of your performance based on quiet assumptions — or on information you were brave enough to request?

Because careers aren’t limited by effort alone.
They’re limited by how clearly we see ourselves.

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Sources

• Ashford, S. J., Blatt, R., & VandeWalle, D. (2003). Reflections on the Looking Glass: A Review of Research on Feedback-Seeking Behavior in Organizations.
  
  
• Dahling, J. J., Chau, S. L., & O’Malley, A. (2012). Feedback orientation: Development and validation of a multidimensional measure.
  
  
• Ashford, S. J., & Tsui, A. S. (1991). Self-Regulation for Managerial Effectiveness: The Role of Active Feedback Seeking.
  
  
• Gilbert, D. T., Giesler, R. B., & Morris, K. A. (1995). Research on spontaneous social comparison.
  
  

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